123 - The Surprise Test

“The test is usually fairly simple,” the dean said as he stood and circled the desk to lean against the side of the table. “In a nutshell, I cast the spell, and you fall into something of a trance. I don’t see exactly what you see, but I do see a version of it that allows me to run calculations which then decide whether or not you pass the test. It also allows me to view certain weaknesses so I can point them out to you.”
“How come you do not see what I see?” Arielle asked.
“Because if I did, fewer people would agree to the test,” he said. “After all, people value their secrets more than they value their lives sometimes. Also, that would turn it into a memory reading spell, which, as you know, makes things a little more complicated than they should be.”
Arielle was a little relieved at that. She had a lot of secrets, though most of them, the dean already seemed to know about. It was a wonder he couldn’t actually read minds, because he seemed to be able to deduce things fairly quickly and accurately.
“But as I told you before, your situation is a lot more complicated,” he said. “Simple illusions don’t work on you. Neither do complex ones. So I had to get creative.”
“In what way?”
“Well, a combination of things I have been working on. You know, I used to work at the Luxarium, doing research. Do you know what my field was?”
She shook her head.
“Evanescent magic,” he said. “It deals with things that can never be truly known, and things whose existence depends on being unknown. Have you ever heard of anything like that?”
Arielle was about to shake her head, but then she remembered the Unmaker. The mystery of its presence and the fact that no one knew much about it, almost by design. It seemed related to the fact that Vacu existed in dead space, that she could only find the Drift by venturing into the abyss.
All those things were hidden by default.
Luckily, the dean wasn’t awaiting her response as he forged on.
“It’s a paradox that some magical entities occupy,” he said. “We can never know what they are or how they operate. Sometimes we don’t even know if they exist because they remove themselves from memory, leaving only the faintest traces behind. My job was helping to develop a way to uncover them.” He chuckled. “It was hellish research that felt like twisting in the wind pointlessly for hours, but eventually I got something out of it. It helped me develop the illusion spell I’m going to use on you. It’s a spell that makes you forget that there is a spell, which should help you believe that everything you see is real. I’ve tried it on a couple of people who were not as impervious to illusions as you are, but who had some resistance to it, and it worked on them. Now, as this is a memory-tampering spell, at least a temporary one within the enclosed margins of the illusion, I will need your permission to cast it. Know that I’m a skilled memory mage, though not a truth seeker, and there will be no damage to your mind. But the entire test relies on you being under the thrall for as long as possible.”
Arielle nodded. She was also curious as to how the memory magic worked and wanted to copy it.
“We can try,” she remarked. “But what if it doesn’t work?”
“If it doesn’t work, then we’ll likely schedule some kind of follow-up. Alright?”
“Alright.”
“Good. First I’m going to cast the analysis spell,” he said as the orbs in the room began to gather, glittering. Luxa stabilized with Massa, and a bit of Vacu, circling her. He murmured foreign words, and she paid attention to the spell form, though she tried to pretend she wasn’t looking. It was a similar composition to Elric’s [Cathedral of the Living Light] spell but with a different structure and extremely complex.
It seemed that he had combined the spell forms, so she couldn’t tell which part affected her memory and which part was simply for the illusion. Or was all this just for the analysis?
She was so busy trying to memorize and understand the spell structure that she almost didn’t notice when it began to work.
It was a strange feeling. The dean began to count, and with each word his voice moved farther and farther away. Arielle’s grip on reality began to loosen until she was no longer sure where she was or what time period she was in.
All she knew was that she was falling.
There were still orbs in her vision, but she didn’t know what they were for. She knew that they affected her in some way. She would only have to reach out and break them.
But she didn’t.
She let the spell take her deep into the depths of her own mind.

---

It was the first day of school for Arielle.
She stuck close to her mother as she observed the rambunctious children crying and screaming and running up and down while a tired, matronly woman tried to corral them.
So much noise. So much chaos.
This was hell.
Arielle stood stiffly as her mother patted her head and said, “Don’t worry. It will be okay. I’m sure you’ll make friends and settle in soon enough.”
Arielle wasn’t sure she wanted to make friends with these creatures or settle in to this place. Her mother had brought her here simply because she was of the right age to start her education. She had explained thoroughly to Arielle that this was what people her age were supposed to do.
Her father had said this morning, “I don’t think she’s ready.”
Mother responded with a sigh. “She’s already two years behind. We can’t afford to take any more time, or she’ll be even more behind.”
“Thessa, she is nearly five years old and has not said a single word to anyone in this family. How do you think she’s going to fare in a schoolyard where she has to interact with others?”
Mother looked at her then, tucking her hair behind her ears. “I’m hoping that this will help her. It is what the healer suggested.”
Torv sighed and shook his head. He stared at Ari with what she would come to know later as a sad look.
Arielle did not know at the time that her silence made her family uncomfortable, or that they had already summoned herbalists and the swamp’s medicine woman to see what was wrong. They had even taken her to a Greenfinger Healer.
Nobody could make her talk.
Perhaps she had nothing special to say.
When her mother left her there, in that chaotic schoolhouse, she still did not speak. She did not cry. Even though she was panicked, she sat in the corner indicated by the matronly woman and tried to ignore all the noise.
She used the spirit orbs to drown everything out, ignoring everyone as she preferred to do.
Things happened and time passed.
It was all a meaningless drone to her. She spent much of her life watching the movements and patterns of the colorful orbs around her, not acknowledging the whispers in her direction, the stares that made her uncomfortable, the fact that when they paired up for classes, no one wanted to pair with her.
She ignored the loneliness and feeling of unease that grew day by day.
Things happened and time passed.
It was now the day that her father would leave. She didn’t understand exactly why he had to go, but she knew he would be gone for a long time. She knew that their dinner together was extraordinarily quiet, when usually it would be filled with chatter.
She did what she did best whenever she felt discomfort. She kept her eyes on the orbs. The silence helped her study their movement and enjoy them better. She watched the flow of essences still left over from Master Elric’s presence, the ones she now knew as Massa and Luxa, bouncing around.
For all she knew, they may soon drift away, and she may never see them again once the Archmage was far enough.
Stay, she whispered in her mind.
“Arielle, you’re not eating your food,” her mother said, drawing her attention. That was when she noticed that her mother’s eyes were red. Celie’s too. Even their brother was sullen. Ironically, the person who looked most normal was her father. He wasn’t speaking, but he was eating boisterously, shoving as much meat as he could in his mouth and murmuring compliments about the taste.
“It should be me,” their mother spoke up suddenly. “I should go.”
“Don’t talk nonsense, Thessa.”
“It’s not nonsense. You’ve…you’ve fulfilled more than your quota for the family and I–”
“You will do nothing,” he said as he bit off a slice of swamp hog into his mouth, “Except stay and take care of the children as you always have.”
Her mother’s features changed, becoming more rigid. “I’m just as capable as you are.”
“I know you are, my heart,” he said, reaching out to cover her hand. “But we also know that this affects me far less than it affects you.
She paled. Her eyes dropped, her face wrinkling. She looked much older than her age.
“I’ll go with you, father,” Brom spoke up, and Celie snorted.
“What can you do? You barely know how to hold a sword.”
“Yes, I do! I can–”
“I should go,” Celie interrupted. “I’m a good fighter, Father. Fenwick said so. He said I’m silent and quick with the blade and the bow and the darts. I’ll make an excellent assassin one day.”
“I’m sure you will,” their father said.

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“If we both go together, we can come back quicker. Split the quota years between us and–”
“No,” he said firmly. “You are a good fighter, Celie, but your place is not on the battlefield.”
“But–”
“But nothing. It is merely ten years, you two. I will be back before you know it.”
Celie bit her lip. Brom’s eyes looked misty.
Arielle went back to watching the orbs. Ten years was a long time. Their father said he would visit often. She would count down the days and mark them on a calendar.
But…
Whenever the negative emotion rose, she focused on their radiant color and their perfect shape, remembering how bright they had been when Elric was there.
Then she realized that both her brother and sister had made their offer. It only made sense for her to make an offer too.
“I can go with you,” she said, and her family turned to stare at her. Her father gave her a warm smile and her mother a watery one. Celie patted her hair.
“Ah, Ari,” Torv said. “My little warrior.”
“I can fight,” Arielle insisted. The orbs could make spells, and spells made things happen. If only she could learn how to use them. “I’m strong.”
“Yes, you are, my dear,” Thessa said. “But we should probably still wait until you’re at least five feet tall, shouldn’t we?”
Brom snorted, and Ari nodded. She fell silent and went back to studying the orbs.
Something told her that she was making a mistake. That she should insist on going with him. She could do something.
But she was a little girl. Little girls did not kill mossgiants except in the stories. So she remained quiet.
Time passed. Things happened.
The image shifted. Her breath caught.
The first thing she noticed was the conglomeration of spirit orbs in the sky where she floated. Lots of Luxa surrounded her.
It felt wrong. There shouldn’t be that much Luxa here. Usually it was mostly Vitae and maybe some Massa and Calor. Why was there so much Luxa? She wanted to investigate it, but she was distracted by a scream.
She looked to the ground, and her wonder became horror.
There were bodies strewn on sandy shores. Red stained the glittering pale gold, screams of men mingling with the roars of monsters.
A giant rose at the end, covered in reeds. Its green mottled skin and its head stood far above the trees; its every step cleared yards of land.
Warrior after warrior launched themselves at him.
He backhanded them, but they managed to get a dagger in his shoulder, tearing through tendons. One warrior remained on his body, refusing to be flung away. He used his axe as a climbing sickle, hacking his way up the giant’s back.
The giant screamed and tried to smack him off, but it was no use. His arm did not bend that far.
Instead, he focused his ire on a warrior who jumped at him, likely as a distraction.
He did not smack this one away.
He tore his hand through one chest, severing one part of his body from another.
“Cal!”
It was her father’s roar as he buried his ax at the nape of the giant’s spine, sending the monster to its knees.
A mage appeared out of nowhere and began casting a spell that bound the giant as Torv leaped off its back and ran to the man who was now in pieces on the floor.
Her father sobbed over the chest half of the body, his hands covering the bottom as though that would stop the bleeding.
Watching her father make that wailing noise sent Ari’s emotions haywire.
The distracting whine made her want to run away, but she didn’t. She approached him tentatively, her hands out and shaking, kneeling before him.
“There, there,” she said. “It’s okay, father.”
He didn’t stop crying, and her heart didn’t stop breaking.
She could have done something about this. She stared at all the bodies strewn about. She could have done something to stop this, but she’d been reluctant. She could have done something to stop this. But she hadn’t.
She didn’t know why she hadn’t.
Maybe because she’d been too busy staring at the skies to notice what was happening on the ground.
And now people were dead.
She felt the tendrils of magic in the air, beckoning her attention once more. She refused to look at it.
There were loud sounds as another mossgiant burst out of nowhere, running straight toward her. She opened her palm about to blast it apart, but behind it, she saw something else.
Elric’s disapproving gaze.
Elric was shaking his head at her.
She read Elric’s disappointment, and she stood there, and her insides twisted.
Then, the scene changed. She was cold. Very cold.
She was captured, held in a dark room, alone except for the presence of someone whose authority was so vast it instantly overwhelmed her. She felt like she was choking on it, blinded by it, as it invaded everything she was.
She could not see his face, but a burning glory was printed in her mind. She was forced to her knees by invisible hands. Her entire will was being taken over. She struggled, but it was no use. She could not feel her core. All her essences were very far away from her.
“You have defied the heavens,” he said. “And brought hell upon us. This is your punishment.”
His voice sounded like eternity in a sentence. It sounded like it was shaking the very foundation of the earth. It sounded like she couldn’t defy it even if she wanted to.
Fear took over her body. She wanted to fight, but she stayed still as a hand wrapped around her neck. She closed her eyes, and only when she began to feel her cores disappear, snuffed out, a gaping hole where a part of her should be, and the pain and emptiness that came from that…
Only then did she begin to scream.
“Please,” someone else shouted. “Stop.”
It was Elric’s voice. Elric was here too. He was being punished because of her. He was being put through hell because of what he’d done for her.
Yet he was pleading for her.
“Please,” she whispered, as that was all she could do. “Please let him go.”
Who are you pleading to? A voice spoke. It is too late for pleas.
And that was true.
The truth was that she didn’t know anything about her enemy. She didn’t know how to defeat or even withstand him.
Because a part of her had arrogantly thought it would be simple.
Breaking spells.
Using everything she’d learned.
Surprising him.
She had beaten almost everyone she faced, and that was while holding back.
But now that she faced the one as ancient as this universe, she couldn’t even lift a finger.
The pain was so bad, she wanted to die. She wanted to escape.
Open your eyes.
The torture ends once you open your eyes.
She saw the Luxa begin to bleed into the atmosphere around her, and she grabbed onto it.
Her eyes opened and forced her back into the real world, staring at the dean, who was back in his seat across from her. Awareness rushed back with a dizzying alacrity.
She caught her breath as all the emotions rushed over her, the haze of the dream still clouding her mind.
She touched her face to realize that she was crying. She’d been crying in the office, and her nose was running, and the pain of a suppressed core was still there.
The dean summoned and passed her a napkin.
“Thank you,” she murmured as she took it, dabbing her face and blowing her nose.
When she had calmed down some, she looked to him for an evaluation.
“I failed?” She guessed from his somber expression.
He nodded. At the point where the test stopped, you had failed. However, it was an early stop. You…broke the illusion somehow, so we did not get to other parts. Therefore, keep in mind that it did not as adequately reflect your strengths as it did your weaknesses.”
“Okay,” she said.
“Also keep in mind that you failed in a peculiar way. You failed backwards. Usually, students who fail this test do so because they have lofty expectations but not the strength or potential to meet those expectations. Yours was the opposite.” A low hum echoed as the last of the spell broke and the Luxa dissipated. “You do not survive the magnitude of your potential.”
The words struck fear in her for some reason, and she said, “What does that mean?”
“It means that you’re underestimating your future and hence aren’t preparing for it. If you do not prepare for it, you will not survive it.” The dean laced his hands together, leaning forward. “The future you expect is not possible. A quiet one where you are a student or a researcher or an Archmage that only seeks to please and protect Elric. If you plan for that future, as you are doing now, you will meet a future like the one that you saw. You will not survive it.”
Arielle swallowed. She still felt the chill from the vision she’d had, still felt the pain of her cores being ripped away.
She didn’t want to feel anything like that again.
But she also remembered something else, the pain of standing there uselessly while her father cried. While people died.
Sitting at the table as they discussed her father going away, and focusing on the orbs to avoid the world, because it was what she was used to. It was what she’d been doing since she could remember. It made everything hurt less.
As long as the orbs remained, everything was fine.
“Am I cowardly?” she asked. She realized that in her vision at several points, she could have made decisions that she hadn’t made. At the dinner. While watching the battle. A part of her had known what she was supposed to say, but she didn’t say it.
“No,” he said. “It’s not cowardice.”
“What is it?”
“Would you like me to break all of that down for you?”
She nodded.
“You came into the world of ascendants late. Most of our mages have already had years to dream and despair and understand their place within it. You’re only just getting your bearings. What did you want to be before you realized you were a mage?”
She shrugged. “I don’t know. I wanted to earn enough to take care of myself and read books.”
He smiled. “Exactly. I assume that when you were younger, your world was very small. It was just you and your family. Not really much in the way of friends.”
That wasn’t entirely true. She did have her spirit orbs, but she supposed the dean meant friends of a human variety.
“You probably didn’t mind it so much. You may have been lonely here and there, but the benefit of being in a smaller world is that you only had a small list of things to care about. There was comfort in that. You were content with what you had, somewhat, but now that you have more, you struggle to understand what that means as a whole, and the responsibility it comes with.” He leaned forward. “Your world is getting a lot bigger, Arielle, and that’s a little terrifying. Everything is changing so quickly, faster than you catch up comfortably. You’re dealing with it all splendidly and, understandably, you don’t yet consider things beyond your experiences. You merely follow plans laid out for you by those you admire, and it might be unfair to ask more of you now. But there is a lot that is missed when you limit your mind to your immediate sphere of companionship, when you force your world to continue to remain small.”
“That’s not…” She hesitated to speak, because it was true. Yes, she considered things in the wider world, but only so much as it interested her. The mossgiants were still a problem, yet after her father came home, she had never thought to even ask about the rest of the warriors left behind. She had simply accepted them as a feature on the outskirts of her world, without thinking that perhaps there was a way she could change it.
Same with the creatures in the forest that weren’t the dragon and the serpent.
And all the wars that Riorke wasn’t involved in.
Those all cost bloodshed. They all involved things that seemed beyond her, and even considering that she could make a change there made her feel overwhelmed.
She may not be able to do a lot. But she might be able to do something.
And if she could do something…shouldn’t she?
“I’m self-centered,” she said.
“We all are,” the dean admitted. “This isn’t about that. It’s not me saying that you have to constantly contemplate everything that’s happening outside of you and the socioeconomic state of our world. I’m also not saying you should throw yourself into every conflict that comes your way. These battles may not be yours to fight, especially right now. There is also no end to suffering. But I say this so you think about your future. You may not have the luxury of time, as things will be changing very quickly.”
“I have to get stronger.”
“No, not just that. That’s the easy part. You must very rapidly build your own mind, your own goals, and ensure that they align with your potential. Otherwise, you place yourself and everyone around you in immediate danger.”
“How do I build my own mind and goals?”
“Well, the test would have shown you if it had been completed.”
“Is there a way for me to finish the test?” she asked.
He sighed. “I don’t know if it will work again. No, that you’ve broken it once, you might break it–”
“I won’t,” she said.
“Well, you wouldn’t remember this promise. And if you did, it would already be broken.” He smirked. “Don’t worry about it now. Something tells me the real world will test you very soon. Good luck, Arielle. I have been wrong before. And I hope to the very heavens that I’m wrong now.”