122 - Depth

“A blue elven essence.”
“Yes.”
“You have a blue elven essence trapped in this cave, and it was part of an elven oath that you cannot tell me about, and I cannot ask further questions about how you got yourself enttangled in said oath, but this essence is here, and elven, and you can somehow use it…” Vittoria’s bird stopped talking and exhaled. Arielle imagined she was pinching the bridge of her nose as she was wont to. “How can you even utilize it? Humans can’t use elven essences. I can barely use it, and I’m partially elven.”
“It’s not that hard. You just have to develop the core for it.”
“You have an elven essence core?” Vittoria’s voice squeaked a little at the end of her sentence.
“Yes.”
“How?” Vittoria said. “Years of meditation barely got me one. Partially why I gave up on those elven classes.”
“I don’t know. The blue orb is pretty friendly. Maybe it just likes me.”
That was met with silence, which made Ari concerned that she had hurt Vittoria’s feelings.
“It likes you too, by the way.”
Vittoria inhaled and exhaled harshly. Arielle brushed her hand over her skirt and waited for her to speak again.
“And you’re absolutely sure that you cannot tell me where you got this?”
She could. Elric knew. But she had already betrayed the elves’ trust once. She didn’t want to do it unless she had to.
Not to mention that would lead to questions about how she got to Elfheim in the first place.
“I would rather not,” she responded. “I’m only telling you this much because I was hoping you would help me figure out what the blue elven essence is.”
“How would I know? I don’t see essences.”
“Yes, but you know about elven essences, don’t you?”
“Some of them,” she said. “But there are many, and I don’t know enough to tell you much about a random essence that was part of an oath.”
“This one has no charge, like Vitae. I’ve run some experiments with it, using it to alter spells I already have. Usually it works best with simple spells. With complex spells there’s more of a mess to fix up because it alters the spell form in ways I can’t always predict. Anyway, with the simple spells, these alterations sometimes make the spell more intense, or less intense. Or it changes it entirely.” Arielle relayed the results of the experiments that she had run with the spells and gave Vittoria a moment to digest it.
“It was used in an oath spell,” Vittoria commented slowly. “And it alters spells but not in a consistent way.” Another pause. “Give me one second.”
“Where are you going?”
“My childhood home. There’s a comprehensive book of essences there.”
“A comprehensive book of essences?” Arielle instantly got excited. “And you never told me?”
“You never asked.”
Darn it. Why hadn’t she asked Vittoria earlier? This could have all been easier.
The bird was quiet while Vittoria went to search for this book. Arielle waited, listening to the wind, anticipating the return of the creature.
“Indicos,” Vittoria said after some time.
“What?”
“It’s the elven word that loosely translates to the concept of depth,” she said. “Elves believe that each essence is given and governed by a patron god, who has a more extensive role than the Primordials we currently have. Each patron god represents an embodied concept. So Indicos is the patron god of depth, which can also mean a true mystery, or a meaningful change.”
“So it adds depth to the spells?”
“Yes, just like how Vitae adds life. Specifically, the fact that this ‘blue orb’ independently alters the spells once it joins is a dead giveaway. The variance of the alteration also suggests that it adds to the depth of the spell, which means that it alters the spell in novel ways that are more grounded in the original intention behind a spell than how a spell actually operates. The light spell was made to reveal, so the addition of the blue orb changes or intensifies the way it reveals something. Perhaps [Wind Gust] was not created to attack, but rather to relax. So the blue orb decreases the force used and points to different methods of relaxation.”
“I see. So it all has to do with the creation of the spell?”
“Yes. You using it on already created spells adds depth to those spells, or unlocks a deep mystery or hidden intent behind those spells. However, using it to create a new spell will be a little more complicated than that. Elven spell-crafting differs from humans.”
That was incredibly interesting, and it made sense given how the Elven oath operated.
The spell had prevented her from speaking about the elves in the context of what she had experienced in Elfheim, but it didn’t do that by eliminating certain words or phrases. She could still speak about elves in general, but whenever she wanted to even hint at what happened to her using code words, the spell would activate.
There wasn’t a way around it because it adjusted itself based on the intention of the spell, stopping the action before it even came to be. It subtly altered the nature of the oath spell, while remaining true to the intention.
“So if I were to create a spell that I hope helps me see into someone’s soul, it would adjust that for me to make sure that it happens?” Orion helped her search for information. If she were to add it to Orion, would that help her gather information from the abyss?
“Maybe. But note that, as you said, it’s much harder to use on complex spells. It might give you more than you asked for, more than you can take, and end up hurting you in the process. Also, it will help adjust the spell form but only to a certain extent. You have to get the general spell right first. It’s an extremely powerful essence, one that I never trained with. I don’t have to tell you that you cannot tell anyone this.”
“I know,” she said. “Elric knows about the oath spell, but he doesn’t know I’m still working with the blue orb. I don’t think he would approve.”
“Oh, he certainly wouldn’t approve. But the thought of you growing a different core in such a short time…wow. Congratulations.” She sounded pleased. “If your other cores are ever suppressed by the High Ascendant, this might be a way out.’
“Oh.” She hadn’t even thought about that. But also there was something else to consider. “One more thing about the blue orb. It always gets active whenever that creature shows up. Why is that?”
“I guess it’s that it reacts to novelty and the existence of a deep mystery,” she said. “Whatever that thing is, it isn’t something that has been created before. It doesn’t feel like any monster I’ve faced, even the abyssal ones. I’m guessing that while you and the good professor were practicing with your abyssal spells, some of the spell remnants came together to form something we’ve never seen before, something that should not be here. It goes and comes because it’s likely still fighting to exist.” The bird shrugged its wings. “Either that or you possibly ripped a hole into the abyss that allowed for said never-before-seen monstrosity to come to the surface sometimes.”
“Oh,” Arielle remarked. She really hoped it wasn’t the latter. She didn’t see any convergence of Vacu when the creature appeared to suggest that it was abyssal, so that was also confusing. Either way, she felt guilty for the trouble she had inadvertently caused. “What do we do now?”
“We? So it’s we now that you need my help cleaning your mess.”
Arielle blushed. “Yes.”
Vittoria chuckled, then hummed. “I don’t know. Since neither of us knows how to enter the abyss, there’s nothing we can do. I could ask Gio for help, but I would rather claw my own eyes out, not to mention we’d have to explain to him how it got there and…Yeah, it’s simply too much. Luckily, the creature seems restricted to this cave for now, and it seems to have been spooked by whatever you did to it. I’ll warn the dean, and maybe he can concoct a good story for Gio. But the cave should be restricted access for some time, and as long as no one comes here or does anything to it, it should be fine.”
“Okay.” She thought. “Can you show me any soul spells?” So she would know what direction to work toward with Orion.
“Not without soul work,” she commented. “I planned on you taking regular excursions to see our basement friend to grow your awareness. We should be there now, but you keep landing us in one problem or another.”
“Yes, but also I don’t have time to wait for my soul perception to grow. Lyra’s birthday is in exactly fifteen days. That’s all I have.”
“Perhaps the blue essence can help you, but you will probably still need some level of soul sight to be enhanced by it.”
She sighed. “I don’t understand. The blue essence turned a simple [Flashlight] spell into something that enabled me to see the abyssal creature. It wasn’t an abyssal spell.”
“Not, but it was an enlightenment spell, and what is the opposite of light…” She raised her eyebrow. “The soul is a lot harder to comprehend. It’s not something hidden, like the abyss, but it’s something that you need the ability to see to understand it.”

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Arielle pursed her lips. “Why do you think the abyssal creature keeps coming out?”
“I don’t know. Maybe it’s trying to communicate with you.”
“Oh. Should I–”
“Absolutely not,” Vittoria said. “Even if it’s not dangerous, it’s completely inappropriate for it to exist. That’s why it feels wrong. With time, it might simply cease to exist, hopefully.”
“Okay.” She paused. “The blue orb also reacted the first time you came to see me. Are you a novelty?”
“I suppose. I’m a peculiar mix of things, one that likely isn’t all that common at all.”
“Oh.” She had thought that the blue orb was attracted to Vittoria because she was partially Fae or because of her work with souls. So she was a little disappointed to find that it wasn’t that simple. She couldn’t just plug the blue orb into Orion and get a read on the soul or a glance at the abyss. She had to understand the basics of soul magic first.
So, in a way, she was back to where she started.

---

Arielle spent the rest of the school year before the break catching up on everything she had to do. Since she was done with classes and almost all her tests, what was left was essentially a lot of free time.
Her friends spent that time celebrating the fact that they were moving on to the next semester or mourning those who had not made it with them. There was also a lot of discussion about the surprise test, which a few people had already taken and failed.
Ari’s days were typically split according to this schedule: Wake up. Breakfast with Lyra and friends. Then head to visit Professor Valeria for any updates on their abyssal spells and just to chat. This also enabled her to fulfil the dean’s homework of studying the professor. Then she went to Woden to discuss the progress of his experiment. He told her some of his findings conflicted with the Divine Hand theory, but his results with the Phoenix potions were promising enough. He was also in contact with the shaman who made more suggestions for him to try.
He soon noted that Ari had a talent for balancing out spells, and he sometimes needed her help with these suggestions.
Lunch was spent in the library reading up on books about soul magic or meeting with Telip. Or, she would be at Vittoria’s place, which she now accessed through the Dean’s office. Vittoria had created a backdoor there, so after Ari arrived, with the Dean’s permission, the bird materialized and took her away.
Then she would spend time looking at the dying demon and waiting to feel…something.
The more time passed without any special feeling, the more urgent and frustrated she felt.
“Patience,” Vittoria would tell her. “You need to be patient.”
But Ari couldn’t be patient with Lyra’s cores on the line.
After it was done, she would usually go up to the living room where Sir Spendulon and Inara waited for her. Sir Spendulon didn’t seem as energetic as when she first saw him, and Ari thought maybe the illness was starting to affect him a lot too.
She often examined his body while petting and continuously healing him, noting that he still had unbalanced charges within.
Inara sat beside them, in a blue skirt that matched Sir Spendulon’s new bowtie.
“I sewed it,” Inara admitted when Arielle asked about it. “To pass time. I thought that, just in case he ever got lost, we would know…” She trailed off with a blush.
“Got lost where?” Vittoria’s bird asked. “Amidst the several dragons that fly in this desert?”
Vittoria’s chuckle made Inara blush even more.
“There are no other dragons in this desert,” Arielle added.
Inara’s face turned the color of a tomato, and Vittoria laughed out loud.
Inara then wanted to take the bow off, but Vittoria said she was only teasing, and that the bow tie was cute. Arielle agreed. It suited Sir Spendulon splendidly, so it could stay.
At least, Vittoria said, until he was returned to his mother. The thought seemed to make Inara sad.
Vittoria was rarely there in person. She announced that she was following several trails regarding the demons and the ritual, and also maybe stalking Lyra’s aunt. Elric and Gio had gone for a raid in the demonic lands, and Arielle was worried, but Vittoria thought, with Gio there, Elric would likely be fine.
Then, after she came back from Vittoria’s home, Ari would spend the evening having dinner with Lyra, the twins, and Maus.
At first, Lyra would ask how her meeting with the dean went, but she stopped asking when she noticed how awkward it made Arielle. Lyra also seemed to have forgiven her lie and was as friendly as always.
But sometimes, Ari wasn’t sure.
Especially after she discovered that she’d already had her secret test when Maus mentioned it at dinner. He said she’d failed, and he had too.
“You did?” Ari asked.
Lyra nodded. “Yeah, but it’s fine. I expected to fail. It’s just some of the things…” She trailed off.
“Some of the things what?” Ari asked as the rest of the table had gone quiet and no one was asking follow-up questions.
“Nothing,” Lyra said. “I don’t want to talk about it.”
“Oh. Okay.”
Arielle thought respecting her wishes was the right thing to do, but throughout the conversation, she would catch Lyra staring at her oddly.
The rest of the table stared at her oddly too. When she asked if she’d done anything wrong, they said she hadn’t and returned to their normal playfulness. But Ari grew uncomfortable. She wondered if the rest of them could tell that she was being a bad friend to Lyra too. If it made them uneasy around her.
“I can buy you dresses,” she told Lyra after dinner when they went up to their rooms.
“Why would you do that?” Lyra asked.
“To show you that I care,” she said.
Lyra looked a little frustrated. “I know you care, Arielle. That’s not the problem. The problem is…” She took a breath. “It’s okay. Never mind. There’s no problem. It’s just how you are, I guess.”
“What do you mean?”
She shook her head again. “It’s nothing.” Then she went into the privy after that, and left Arielle even more confused, and a little frustrated herself.
Lyra refused to speak about the topic anymore, even after she came out of the privy, only answering Arielle’s questions with a shake of the head. Ari could barely sleep that night, thinking it over and over, wondering what Lyra was about to say that she had to stop herself from saying.
That she didn’t want to be friends with her anymore? That Arielle was too odd for her? Was that the problem?
Ari only got some clarification during her next session with the dean, after discussing more things she had noticed about Professor Valeria and Telip.
“Professor Valeria doesn’t get along with her family,” she said. “She seemed irritated to receive letters from her brother, but was obliged to open them anyway. She saved them until after our session so that she wasn’t in a bad mood. She spoke poorly about her father but noted that he would be her guest at the Iverson ball. That would suggest that she values familial loyalty even when she doesn’t like the actual members of her family.”
“And what’s your opinion on that approach?”
“I don’t know. I suppose it’s fine. My family is annoying sometimes, but I still like them and want to help them with things.” She cleared her throat. “Speaking of which, Telip doesn’t like to talk about his family, particularly his father. He shuts down all conversation regarding it, and if I ask too many of them, he ends our meetings early.”
“That’s very good, Arielle,” the Dean said. “You’re doing very well, although you shouldn’t torment Telip too much. I suppose we can expand the scope now. Pick two more people to observe in addition to Telip and Professor Valeria. And I want you to go even deeper this time. I’m sure you’ll do well.”
“Thank you,” she said. She should be happy, but it was dulled by her worry from the day before, and the conversation with Lyra that she couldn’t stop thinking about.
What did she mean? What was that about?
Before she could stop herself, she blurted out, “I want to talk about Lyra.”
The dean did not skip a beat. “What about her?”
“She is upset with me,” Ari breathed. “But I don’t know how to make it better. At first I thought I should show her that I care by buying her things, as Lacey said, but she didn’t like that suggestion very much.”
The dean bobbed his head sagely. “Yes, that was likely an unwise choice. How about you start from the beginning? How did this all come to be? What did she say?”
Arielle took a deep breath and started from the day she arrived back on campus from visiting Elric. She told him that Lyra had said she was acting strange and she had lied, and Lyra had instantly caught her. She repeated verbatim what Lyra had said to her last night, and all their subsequent conversations until this morning.
After she was done, the dean was quiet. He had his fingers laced and pressed against his face.
Finally he placed them on the table and leaned back.
“You’re right to think that she is still upset,” he said. “But I think you fundamentally misunderstand what she’s upset about, making your approach the wrong one. This isn’t something you can make better by giving her things or doing more favors for her. Actually, that would have the opposite effect.”
“I understand that. But I don’t know why.”
“How do you feel when you owe people things, Arielle?” he asked.
“Unsettled,” she said. “It feels uncomfortable.”
“Do you believe that there’s any reason Lyra might feel that way?”
“No,” she said instantly. “She doesn’t owe me anything.”
“Are you sure? You’ve helped her quite a lot.”
“Yes, but she’s helped me too.”
“In what way?”
“She’s my friend. She tolerates me and helps me when I make mistakes and hurt people’s feelings.”
The Dean gave her a sad smile. “That’s not a good answer, Arielle.”
She frowned. “I don’t understand.”
“You make friendship with you seem like it’s a burden for her.”
“It can be.”
“Yes, but if she truly is your friend, she will not want you to see things that way. Otherwise, she would feel guilty or that you are her friend merely out of gratitude or desperation. And because you’re constantly doing favors with no reciprocation, she might assume that a friendship with her is also a burden for you.”
“It’s not.”
“I’m sure it can be. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have sat through our entire session moping because she’s upset with you.”
Ari opened her mouth, then closed it because she couldn’t deny what he’d said.
“Friendships are meant to be mutually burdensome and mutually beneficial; however, that can problematic to acknowledge. When both people carry the burden together, it ceases to feel like one, except when the scales tip too far in one direction.”
“I don’t understand.”
“She is your friend because she likes you, not because she views it as her doing you a favor. She views your friendship as a merit on its own. However, when you help her and do for her these extra favors, she feels burdened to return the favor, to maintain the balance of the friendship burden. You refusing to share your worries with her is a way of saying you don’t trust her to carry her own weight, don’t trust her to be able to understand or help with your problems, and that her friendship is less valuable to you than others.”
“That’s not true,” Arielle responded sharply.
“Yes, but it’s how she feels. Lyra wants to help you. She wants to know that you trust her to be able to do that, and she’s not just a project for you or someone you feel the need to coddle. Or a friend in name only, someone you keep around so that you’re not lonely.”
“That’s…” Arielle was confused. “How do I make her know that’s not the case?” She would certainly be lonelier without Lyra’s friendship,p but she had other friends now, and still valued her roommate’s companionship. So it was no longer out of desperation, though it may have started that way.
“Talk to her,” Dean Octavius said. “Tell her the reason why you cannot share these secrets with her. Express the things that you honestly feel for her. And let her help you with the things that she can.”
That sounded like a solid solution. Arielle nodded and wrote it down.
“And on that note…you should know that Lyra has already had her surprise test.”
“Yes.”
“And you? Do you think you will have it?”
Arielle shrugged. She still did not have strong opinions on the test, but she might as well do it out of curiosity. “I don’t see why not.”
“Well,” Dean Octavius checked his timepiece. “Let’s do that now.”