Chapter 7- A Tea Failure

Tian and Hong made their way down the rough stone path into the hill. The grey stone was rimmed with green. Moss, growing thick from the damp, made little forests next to lakes of lichen and the occasional rising mountain of stone. Tiny landscapes, scattered like a thousand fractured worlds across the cave. The only light came from the hole leading outside, but that was alright. Perception arts were things every young immortal was expected to master.
The path opened up into a wide cavern. Tian could smell the water, cool and clean, before he saw it. He could hear the faint trickling of tiny waterfalls, and feel the breath of the wind on his neck, pulled down the long tunnel and freshening the caverns below.
“Are you doing alright?” Tian asked.
“Fine. I’m going to get out the light array, though.”
“Mmm.” Tian subtly got his rope dart ready, stretching his senses to their extremes. Things had a nasty way of jumping at you when you suddenly disturbed them. Hong pulled out a little formation disk (another gift from the Wang Clan, as a thank you for all the tea Tian had been serving them) and tapped the embedded spirit crystal. Soft light, the color of daylight an hour after a summer dawn, filled the cavern.
Tian and Hong gasped. The cave seemed to come alive. Flecks of mica and streaks of colorful stone caught the light and made it dance. The little stream ran through the cavern, down little falls until it spread onto a rocky shelf and formed a pool. Faint wisps of steam rose from the clear water, making the mossy cavern damp and misty. The qi in the room was powerful, yet calm, filled with the healing strength of water and earth, balanced with the liveliness of wood. It lacked only fire and metal to form a complete cycle.
“I always wondered why they were called grotto heavens. I see it now.” Hong murmured. “Even for me, this would be a wonderful place to cultivate.”
Tian pointed towards the back of the cavern. “It seems our predecessors agreed with you.”
Sitting on a platform at the end of the cavern was a skeleton, sitting cross legged, palms up on its knees, index and middle fingers pinched to its thumbs. Its robe was an elegant silver, as though woven through with untarnishing metal, and edged with deep red. There was a sword next to it on the ground, and, still attached to the ancient senior’s finger, was a fine looking ring.
“That isn’t an Ancient Crane Monastery uniform robe,” Hong murmured. “And… don’t the bones look a little off?”
Tian took a closer look. “Your eyes were always better than mine. I don’t see it.”
They two walked over, quietly readying themselves in case of an unpleasant surprise. Hong had her spear resting against her shoulder, her eyes sweeping any shadowy spot where something vile might be hiding.
Tian kept his eyes fixed on the skeleton. As they got closer, he started seeing what had alerted Liren. The bones were too white, chalk white, as though they had been rubbed with powder. Tian stopped dead in his tracks. His instincts were screaming at him, and he believed them.
Hong stopped with him, spear at the ready, trying to see what he had spotted. Tian gently put her hand on her wrist, before stepping forward and bowing.
“Ancient Crane Monastery’s Tian Zihao and Hong Liren offer their respectful greetings to the senior, and apologize for intruding on their secluded cultivation.”
The skeleton didn’t move. Tian held the bow, and Hong belatedly followed suit. The little stream made its merry noise, as it had for untold centuries, but for all that, the cavern felt dreadfully quiet.
The skeleton felt like it slightly nodded its head, and the two straightened their backs.
“I am quite certain not a hint of my qi escaped.” The voice sounded garbled, the words hauntingly familiar, yet alien. As it spoke, the words became more intelligible, more familiar, though still achingly wrong. Intelligible, but wrong. “You haven’t even begun to cultivate shen, so it wasn’t anything like that either. How did you know?” The voice was male, and something about it itched the ears, like centipede legs in the middle of the night.
“Senior is not the first spirit possessing their skeleton we have met. Might I know Sir’s honored name?” Tian was on his best behavior. The Saintess, ghost or not, had been strong enough to scare even Heavenly Realm cultivators. He didn’t know how powerful this senior was, but he wasn’t willing to take stupid chances.
“Honored name, eh?” The laugh wasn’t pleasant, but it didn’t seem hostile. “Maybe in this era, my name shall be honored.” The skeleton didn’t move. It’s mouth never opened, it’s hands didn’t twitch. However it was speaking, it didn’t involve moving air. “In this era, I will be known as Suneater.”
Tian cupped his hands and bowed again. “Respectful greetings to Daoist Suneater.”
“Mmm. You said Ancient Crane Monastery. Did Elder Eightgates finally lose his mind and slap a nickname on Heavenstep Mountain?”
“Reporting to Senior, this Junior has only ever known it as Ancient Crane Mountain. I do not know Elder Eightgates.”
Tian felt brainpower flex and twist around him. It seemed that Suneater was less than convinced by his answer.

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“Eightgates. Elder Eightgates. Perfected Human Eightgates. How could you live on this mountain and not know who rules it?”
Tian and Hong could only smile awkwardly.
“Merciful heavens, I’ve been awoken by idiots. Let’s start from the top, shall we? You are servants of my Eight Directions Palace, hoping to cultivate immortality some day. You apparently aren’t complete idiots, since I can see your master or mistress has invested at least a little into your foundations. For some reason, they have renamed the mountain and changed the servants’ uniform.”
Tian felt the increasing weight of the brainpower around him, trying to make sense of what he was hearing. Suneater was clearly some sort of powerful ancient, but the Saintess spoke like an ancient. Even Starsieve, who was comparatively much younger, spoke like an ancient. Suneater sounded younger. Not that much older than Tian for all his voice rasped and pricked his ears.
Tian and Hong could only remain helplessly mute. What could they say to all of that?
“I understand that a long time has passed, but since the Silver and Red of the True Disciples of the Eight Directions Palace hasn’t changed in twenty thousand years, I trust you ants can recognize it. Answer me! Just what has happened on this mountain?”
Tian bowed apologetically. “Junior was blind! The only symbol of the Eight Directions Palace I know is the geometric brocade trim-”
He felt the growing brainpower surrounding him retract like a gecko’s tongue back into Suneater’s skull. “You are acquainted with an Inheriting Disciple. Or you have seen one, at least.” Tian had a sense of a slow exhalation. “It makes more sense now. This mountain must have been given to an Inheriting Disciple as their cultivation ground, and they issued you different uniforms to make it clear you aren’t part of the Palace. Mortals like you simply haven’t lived long enough or cultivated high enough to know anything. Haaah.”
The stream once again filled the cavern with noise. Tian and Hong stood quite still.
“Well. I’m awake now. Who is your master? Or senior servant, or whatever. Which immortal servant of the Inheriting Disciple do you serve?”
Tian and Hong shared a look. “Elder Rui?”
Suneater snorted. “This Rui might be older than you, but he is certainly no Elder. Come forward. A little more. Yes, that should do. How long have you served the sect?”
Hong answered “Six years, True Disciple.”
Tian had the uncanny feeling that the immoble skeleton just slapped his hand over his face. “Six years. Yes, this is all making much more sense. Well, I guess that means you are a little promising after all, with this level of foundation you might reach as high as a Lay Disciple. If you applied yourselves. But I grow thirsty. What can you offer me?”
There was more than a hint of malice in Suneater’s voice, but Tian determinedly ignored it. “I’m told that, while my tea is of mediocre quality, my tea service is quite acceptable. At the very least, the other Spirit I served tea to enjoyed it.”
There was a startled pause. “Really.”
“Junior wouldn’t dare lie to the True Disciple. She drank the qi rather than the liquid, of course.”
Suneater snickered. “You know what? Sure. I’ll play along for a bit. Your tea won’t be fit for a human to drink. Brew this.” A tong of tea flew out, still wrapped in bamboo and bound with sisal twine. Tian undid the knot, opened the leaves, and was practically knocked over by the sudden burst of tea qi. White tea, of an age and potency he had never before encountered.
Tian quickly set out his little table and tea tray. He generally didn’t invest a lot of effort into using the six gentlemen tools, but now seemed like the time to use his full effort. The kettle was heating nicely. His tea pets were in for a serious treat.
The top tea cake had already been broken up a little, so Tian didn’t hesitate to carefully chip off a piece. He used the tongs to place the tea in a little bowl. The water had come to a boil- Tian poured the boiling water over the tools, the cups and the tray itself. Once all was ready, he loaded the tea into the lidded cup and-
“Oh, I see. Not bad for a mortal. Especially a bullied child like you.” Suneater snickered again. The sound grew more unpleasant every time.
“Bullied, True Disciple?” Tian’s hands never stopped working. The wash was offered to the tea pets. Tian would have sworn he heard them groaning with appreciation. Then the next steep began. The medicinal aroma, the warmth and sweetness rising from the tea, was intoxicating.
“Oh please. You have a bit of scrap rock for a tray, clay cups that look like they were made by a toddler, and those tools! Boy, is there no one who will stand up for you? Even your tea pets, if you can call them tea pets, are starving. They are like the embryos of tea pets. Barely a hint of tea qi in them. If this isn’t every sign of a senior stealing your spirit stones and breaking your things, I don’t know what is.”
Tian carefully poured the tea through a strainer and into the friendship pitcher. The color was a rich gold, with tiny dancing flecks of white within it. The aroma was transcendent- medicinal, but unmistakably tea.
“Please, True Disciple Suneater. I would value your opinion of my skills.” He offered the tea cup. He felt something curl around it and carried it through the air to Suneater.
“You offer the five elements, and most particularly… the human, yin aspect of fire? Really?”
“Yes, True Disciple. It is the flame I have lit in my heart.”
“You really are the perfect person to bully. I suppose that’s why you and the troll dual cultivated. Who else would have her?”
Tian and Hong froze.
“Not even proper dual cultivation. I can taste the primordial yang and yin on you two. It seems my luck hasn’t abandoned me entirely. Two mortal servants from outside the sect have been subsisting on whatever scraps they can scavenge from the trash left by the Inheriting Disciple. Bullied, abused, despised, and clearly sent to your deaths if you were told to break the seal on a secluded cultivation chamber marked with the symbol of a True Disciple.”
Suneater started laughing, merry and cruel. “Your tea service is shit! You have ruined my good tea leaves, and tried to make up for it with your piddling, pathetic insights into things far, far beyond your station. You dare offer compassion? To me?! Mortals will barely fill the cracks between my teeth, but you are better than nothing.”
The tea cup shattered in the air, the dust and liquid swirling away. “The two of you will make a nice little snack. Just the thing to clear out the taste of rotten tea.”